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May We Delight in the Unknown

 

"I am seeking. I am striving. I am in it with all my heart.” -Vincent Van Gogh

Today, WellSeek turns 2.  Having recently gone through this process with my 6-year-old and soon-to-be 3-year old prepared me a bit for what to expect.  The age of 2 is when we begin forming our core identity, but we still often learn through naive exploration. And without the benefit of having many past experiences to guide us, we often get chewed up and spit back out by reality. Then, we do our best to figure out what will keep us from being reprimanded or embarrassed the next time around. 

A year ago, I reflected back on how I started down this path. And when I started, I was alone and afraid, constantly reminded of my lack of experience by others who had it. But thinking "here goes nothing", I decided to stay the course. 

 
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Today is a different kind of reflection, perhaps because I have some mileage now. Some days, I’ll be kind to myself, and remember that building something that’s sustainable and has never before existed will take time and patience...time that is needed for me to learn, create, and adapt the right way. 

But the truth is that most days, I struggle with a vicious inner dialogue: “That’s it? This is all you’ve managed to get done?”…as I tear apart and deconstruct every move that I could have and should have done better or more efficiently.

And it’s in these very moments when I find myself reconnecting with the childhood wonderment that has driven me for most of my life. Testing the boundaries of what works and what doesn’t so I can rebuild. Removing the fear of being wrong to embrace the teachings of a new experience. Satisfying a curiosity that can never really be cured.

Who am I kidding...they're just fancy mind games.

Funny where life can take you when you allow yourself to delight in the unknown.